It's all in Your Mind

"I've had thousands of problems, most of which never happened." -Mark Twain

"Whether you believe you can or you can't, you are right" -Henry Ford

“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.” (dont know who. If you know, please let me know so I can give due credit)


"A wise man changes his mind, a fool never” -A Spanish Proverb

"A man is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.” - Gandhi

"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.” - Aristotle

I made a U-turn

I was driving to meet a customer. I know I will take this certain road, then turn off at point X. I have been using this particular road to go to my office for many years. Only thing is I'll not turn left at point X, but go straight towards my office.

I was listening to music on the cd, thinking my many thoughts, when I realised I've over-shot my exit point and was driving straight towards the direction of my office! Old habits!! Aaargghh. Now I've to to drive on for at least 500m before the next U-turn, and from that U-turn, I'll have to drive 2.5 km to reach my intended destination!

Have you ever experience the moments when you were driving home and reached your destination without really remembering what happened, except that there was no accidents involving you? That's the sub-conscious mind guiding you home. It's also something called 'Unconscious competency' (one of the 4 stages of Competency)

Of course I was rather upset with myself. Wasted time, because I was not concentrating on the road, not focused! And I allowed my old habits to guide me. Althought this particular habit is neither good or bad, it costs me TIME.

How many times have we allowed our old habits get in the way of what we really want to achieve?

We want more customers. We know we need to make the calls. But the habit of procrastination is easier.

We want better relationships. We know we need to spend time with the people who matters to us. But the habit of accomodating ourselves first (and selfishness) is easier

We want self-improvement. We should read the book, listen to the motivational CD. But the habit of sitting in front of the TV is easier.

The good news is - there's always a U-turn in front. It may be very near, or may be a little further away, or may even be quite far ahead. But the U-turn is always there. It's up to us to take the U-turn. And the more U-turns we missed, the longer it'll take us to get to our desired destination.

I U-turned. What about you?

My Garden 3

Yes, I'm still on the topic of 'My Garden'

The incident in "My Garden 2" happened more than a year ago. I am happy to report that I have been diligently watering, fertilizing and weeding it. One thing I noticed – that no matter how much I do, new weeds keeps growing. Yes, I have tried to get out the roots as well, but I guess the roots are still deep down in the earth. Or maybe the weeds just got carried into my garden by the wind or a dog or cat? The best I can do is to keep weeding to ensure that they don’t take roots too deep. And the activity of weeding allows me time to think and reflect. It allows me to contemplate the beauty of the other plants growing.

So, yes, we are not living in a vacuum. We are still living in this world, full with its attractions and distractions. Things and events are happening around us. And we will mostly react to it.

I learnt something profound a few years back. The action ‘REACT’ - when we take medication and we ‘react’ to it, it basically means the medication is no good for us. On the other had, when the medicine is working, it’s usually said, "I am responding well to the medicine". So – don’t react, but RESPOND to the stimulus. ‘React’ implies that we have no choice, but we can choose our ‘RESPONSE’. Isn’t that good news?

And when we take time to ‘weed’ out the negatives from our lives, it’ll also allow us time to contemplate and appreciate the positives surrounding us.

Another thing about my Garden – many of the plants grew wild and some also stopped blossoming. Why? Upon consultation with another Gardener, I learned that I have to ‘trim’ my plants. I’ve to cut of some branches to allow more shoots and flowers to grow. And so I did! The flowering trees look so much nicer, and in just a few days, I noticed flowers budding. Isn’t that incredible?

No matter how ‘positive’ we are about ourselves, and no matter how much we’ve already achieved, we still need to be vigilant and keep ‘pruning’ ourselves, keep ‘refining’ ourselves. There are still so many things to learn, so many areas to explore. But don’t grow wild. Grow with purpose! Grow to your potential!

My Garden 2

I had a beautiful garden during Chinese New Year. Many who came to my open house marveled that I, a busy mom and entrepreneur had the time to take care of it, and the flowers that were blooming were indeed impressive. I was of course very proud of my achievements and told anyone who would listen that ‘it’s nothing, just takes a little determination.’

A few weeks later, to my horror, I noticed that a big chunk of plants from my garden is missing! Gone were the beautiful flowering shrubs. The big leafy plant of which I was so proud of was yellowing and one of the small trees has died!

It turned out that my well-intentioned maid decided to help me weed out the garden. She said that the weeds were growing wild, and she took up a changkul (hoe), and the rest is history!

Aaarrrgghhhhh! To tell the truth, I talked to my maid ‘loudly’ (err… VERY loudly), telling her to LEAVE MY GARDEN ALONE!!! She mumbled an apology saying that she was only trying to help, since I was too busy to tend to my garden.

A sudden realization came to me. How many of us, in our quest for more success, and in our everyday ‘busyness’, have yet again neglected to tend to the most important garden we own?

Our mind is just like my garden. It needs tending to on a consistent basis. And if we don’t do it ourselves, sometimes some well-intention friend or relative will ‘tend our garden’ for us.

Thank God it was only a small part of my garden that my maid destroyed. What would have happened if I allow someone else to destroy my hard-earn self confidence and leadership qualities due to lack of care?

So, what I did was… got myself some quiet time, did some ‘weeding’ (reflections on my successes and failures). I reviewed my goal-list and made some adjustments. I also picked up a half-read book, promising myself that I will finish it without being way-laid by busyness.

All in all, I feel more positive, more determined that this year, I would have yet another bouquet of achievements to share with those whom I love.

My Garden

There's a small garden plot in front of my house. Once upon a time (when I first moved into this place), I diligently planted some flowering plants and weeded it often. It gives me a lot of pleasure to see the flowers blooming so well.

After a while, with the demands of life and work, I stopped tending to my garden. Soon, grass and weeds overwhelmed it. One day I decided to pull out the grasses and weeds, and in the process of doing so, I pulled out the flowers as well. Getting fed-up. I decided clear the whole garden of flowers, weeds and grass and start all over again.

After such tiring work, I decided to take a break, buy some flower seeds and start planting the next time I'm free. Then it started raining almost everyday, and so I can't work in the garden. Then it became too hot. And the haze was back! Then I was too busy. The next time I have a bit of free time, I was surprised to see that all the weeds and grass has grown back!

And so, I started to clear the weeds and grass again, which is back-breaking work, having to squat and bend my back. Big giant ants were also crawling all over the place and there were big fat worms too!! Yucks! All these happened a few cycles in more than 1 year.

One fine day, I was again hacking away at the grass, telling myself that I'll get this garden blooming by Chinese New Year. An elderly lady walking a dog stopped to chat with me.

"I noticed that you keep clearing this garden, but didn't plant anything," she said. I explained that the garden was most uncooperative. It kept growing weeds before I have time to plant my flowers! The old auntie smiled and said it's because I should have planted the flowers immediately after I cleared the weeds. Otherwise, the weeds will keep growing back no matter how many times I clear it. Auntie also instructed me to plant my flower seeds in a small pot first, let the seeds germinate and grow into a small plant, then replant it into my garden.

It occurred to me that our mind is exactly like my garden. We had big plans and dreams to make it beautiful, but after a while, the stress of life overcrowds us. And weeds started growing. And whatever flowers we had were choked to death.

I realized that if we want change in our lives, we must start by clearing the weeds from our mind, and at the same time start planting seeds of `knowledge', `self-motivation', `encouragement', `happiness' and as many good seeds as you could find. And where can we find these seeds? From reading books, listening to good CDs and tapes, yes, even watching great movies, (my favourite is "In Pursuit of Happyness" starring Will Smith).

Other ways? – choosing to spent time with positive friends, getting and spending quality time with a mentor, and taking the time to plan and write down our goals. Attending seminars and talks is one of my favourite ways. Very soon I will have a great bouquet of flowers to share with all those I love.